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Reasons For Divorce
By James Walsh
Education has widened narrow thinking and broadened horizons. Sociologists assume that today primary importance is being given to individualistic pursuits and desires. This has turned the entire social scene upside down. is no longer a taboo. It has become a necessity for individuals trapped in unfulfilling marriages.

Reasons for Divorce:

Abuse: The term abuse covers a lot of related areas of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Abuse can be either direct or indirect. In either way, abuse targets the individual psyche. It aims to cripple the individual mentally. Abuse shatters the self-esteem, ability and capacity level of the individual. It reduces the individual to a pitiable state of constant fear and subordination.

Physical Abuse: This is a direct form of abuse. It basically includes violent and harmful behaviour towards another individual. Physical abuse includes:

  • Physical beating with a sharp instrument

  • Torture and violence such as giving the individual electric shocks, stabbing the individual with a sharp instruments, cutting hair, forcing the individual to eat and drink harmful liquids and solids

  • Kicking and pushing such as kicking in the stomach -- pushing the person on hard surfaces -- pulling of hair

  • Mutilation such as slashing the bodily parts of the individual, resorting to giving minor burns to individual, using sharp instruments to cause pain

The objective of physical abuse is to establish control over another human being. Physical abuse aims to create fear eroding natural defenses of self-preservation. The abuser only succeeds if the abused is kept alive. Torture and direct abuse are sources of adrenaline for the abuser.

Emotional and Sexual Abuse: This is a potent and indirect form of abuse. This abuse is not physical. It attacks the psyche of the individual. Emotional abuse paralyses individual natural instincts. It reduces the individual to a snivelling fearful human being unsure of herself/himself. Emotional abuse slowly strips away the natural persona and confidence of the individual. It can make the individual go over the edge losing all shreds of sanity. Emotional abuse includes:

  • Controlling the movements of the individual -- where does she go?

  • Restricting her social contact by cutting off all ties with friends, family and neighbouras

  • Restricting entertainment and leisure activities of watching TV, listening to music, reading books,

  • Controlling all money affairs -- making sure the individual does not have money to spend

  • Sexual abuse -- forcing the individual to have sexual relations with the

    abuser or with a third party

Usually physical abuse leads to emotional abuse. Behavioural psychologists argue that physical abuse is a crude and visible form of abuse. Emotional abuse is a sophisticated and invisible form of abuse. Social psychologists state that more 43% of all spousal relations are abusive in nature. Only 32% of these abusive marriages make it to courts for divorce. Thus, abuse in whatever form, accounts for a major reason for divorce.

Adultery: According to longitudinal surveys, adultery or extra-marital relationships account for more than 27% of divorces. Adultery usually occurs when a spouse indulges in sexual intimate relations outside the marital relationship. It happens when both the spouses do not grow at the same wavelength in the marriage. One spouse develops with the marriage and time. This spouse realises that marital love changes at different points of marriage according to the situation. The other spouse refuses to accept this mature connotation of marital love. When sexual intimacy does not happen frequently within the marriage, the spouse commits adultery.

Midlife Crisis: This reason is closely related to adultery. More than 13% of divorces occur among middle-aged and older married couples. These people do not feel attracted to each other anymore. They have nothing in common. They want a change. This change could be moving out from the house, seeking new sexual relationships or getting a new job.

Midlife crisis also comes about after a spouse retires. The retired spouse feels that he/ she is no longer on the same wavelength as the partner. They simply do not have anything to talk about. They find the outside world more exciting and adventurous. Usually at this stage one finds middle--aged men and women going in for physical makeovers, changing their wardrobe, taking a cruse or making new friends. They drift apart becoming close to friends.

Desire to Remain Fertile: Men and women also to seek younger partners to remain sexually active. This usually happens with older couples as they desire to remain fertile even after their socially acceptable child bearing days are over. It is a primitive instinct of all human beings to father/ mother numerous offsprings. This primitive instinct is also found in older married couples. They are more prone to divorce.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see www.managed-divorce.co.uk

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